Thursday, 13 December 2007

On Establishing Peace

"To make peace between two individuals (in comparison) is worthier than one's entire prayers and fastings."
~ Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H)

If you see old Indian movies, plenty of the story lines would involve two die-hard best friends turning into aggressive enemies and a common third party who would continously litter the relationship, add to the bitterness and exploit the situation to their advantage. And as the story proceeds generations pass, the culprit is unvieled and towards the end of the movie the friends turned foe turn friends again and to the joy of everyone all is good in the end.

What is depicted in the reel life is actually what does happen to some in real life.Sadly, all real life stories don't have happy reunions.And also, although there is an entire possibility that a crooked third person exists to break the friendship\relationship apart, sometimes there is no third party adding fuel to the firey situation but the twosome themselves. Rather there could be a common well wisher who attempts to restore peace but in vain. Ego,anger or any other element stops either of the two from restoring friendship. Or maybe one of the two people tries to make harmony but is shunned by the other.Life goes on and the close friends turn into strangers and die with perhaps lots of regret at heart.

People are important, relationships are important but then what is so important that it holds back two people from restoring peace amongst themselves. I understand situations can get intense,extreme and seriously offensive but I fail to understand where does the love go? Where does the care go? Where does the good go?. How can somebody chose to be at unrest with another for life, be it somebody close or not?

No matter whose fault it is, and who is wrong, why doesn't one be the first to extend the hand of peace? Does it degrade ones honor, self esteem or pride? I don't think so. No body is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.It's inevitable.But sadly everybody doesn't have the capability to accept a mistake and take responsibilty for his actions. Also no body likes to be criticized. I personally feel criticism in the right manner is totally healthy and helps one nurture himself. One of the Imam's said : "The most favorable friend to me is that who shows me my flaws"

Coming to the hadith, it simply stunned me. It's incredilble. Just look at the reward for establishing peace between two individuals. 'worthier then one's entire prayers and fastings' It massive.It's worth an effort.The Hadith speaks for itself.

So next time if somebody honors us by confiding in us and shares with us an upsetting situation apart from saying words of comfort and offering some advice we should encourage our friend to initiate peaceful talk.And if we happen to be a mutual friend, then it would be a good idea to hear both sides of the story and try to get both parties talking and sorting their issue out in a just and fair manner.

Normally we feel we would be interferring in anothers personal issue or don't want to take such a responsibility or an added burden Sometimes we are least bothered about another's fight and just like hearing the details for the sake of gossip. Not good!
I believe if we happen to be a sincere mutual friend of two friends in distress we'll be driven to help out our friends out of care, even if there is no incentive of reward. We wouldn't be concerned about our person gain. Would we?

I find this saying of the Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) relevant :
"Someone who possesses knowledge on a subject but conceals it when he is asked will be bridled with reins of fire."
(Therefore, if a person possesses information that would help a bewildered person and improve his situation but he remains silent, he has surely committed a great sin.) Mapping this to the topic, if we are somebody with adequate information about a disturbing situation, we shouldn't wait to be asked for help, rather come forward on our own and save the day for our friends. If we feel, our friend is wrong, we should correct him politely with lots of humbleness and offer our guidance and not hold back out of the fear of offending him.

When we hear about disturbance between two people the least we can do it make a little prayer of peace for them. May Allah guide us all. Ameen

Peace 2 All.


teeB@ said...

So True, i wish people understand this.

Isbahz said...

In my search for peace, I discovered the following:

1) Don’t Spread the Blame: As they say, the hardest part is letting go, not taking part. So when we realize that we can’t have something, we tend to blame it on other people. We start thinking that their existence is the reason for our turmoils. But I believe that everything that happens, happens because god wills it to happen. No one walks away with anyone’s triumphs just because they are smart and clever.

2) Take a Step Forward: Even a giant leap starts with taking a step. When you’re angry at someone, it seems that the wrath would never end. But one should try, if not to forgive, then to forget. Because, the good does not go anywhere, once you let it in, even a little bit, it spreads and clears your mind.

3) Let go: No one is perfect, so learn to make it a habit to look for the good, and ignore the unfavorable. You can’t change everything. So stop caring about those who don’t care about you. Don’t keep harboring bad feelings for others. If something bugs you, express it. Clear it, or forget it.

4) Believe: The most important thing that makes you peaceful in life is FAITH. Believing is everything. So start believing that you deserve good things. Start believing that the sun rises for us everyday so that we can prove to god that we still deserve to go back to where we came from - The HEAVEN. Start believing that this world is not it, there is more. Start believing that God is the true judge of your efforts, and no one else.

5) Take Responsibility: As a third person, try to create an atmosphere to clear misunderstandings for your friends, but, when clearing your own relationships, keep in mind that people don’t always come to help, so take responsibility for your own deeds and stop waiting for fairy god mother for rescue.

6) Fight: To discover your true strength, start facing life's challenges instead of running away. Remember, peace has its victories, but it takes strong men and women to win them! :)

Sameer said...

very nice post Syra and a good follow-job Isbah. Great comment

SairaA said...

in some cases, i would say, thank God the love goes away !


Isbahz said...

Syra said...

IsbahStar, Wonderful discovery and splendid thoughts =) (Y)

Very eloquent.

I second you but just this point that i would like to clear, or rather that's what I believe in:

Only after making dedicated and sincere efforts coupled by prayers to retain or attain something and being unsuccessful in doing so,one should comfort himself\herself that the loss (of a relationship\friend \close one or any material gain) is for the better and that God willed it to be like that.

Indeed, everything happens by the will of God. But we should by no means blame destiny for our failures.Nopes!

We should ask ourselves, DID I TRY HARD ENOUGH? or did i let go

Also maybe it's destined that two people will detach and walk separate ways, but the choice of how it ends up is up to us. Do we end a relationship in a mature peaceful manner, or do we let the last memory be a fight-like bitter encounter? Why hurt somebody, Why make somebody feel bad? It's pointless. If somebody is continuously hurting us, does it give us the license to hurt em back? If somebody is bad to us, do we must be bad in return. Perhaps we should let the other person know of the hurt he\she is causing or the wrong he\she is doing.Sometimes other don't realize their wrong doing.

Good beats bad, right beats wrong and Love\kindness conquers all. Don't let go of the right people for the wrong reasons.

Was watching a movie where the egoistic class conscious dad kicks
son out of the house\family since he marries a girl he loves who happens to be from a poor family.
Quietly the son leaves. For a decade both the son and the dad terribly miss each other. The love and care doesn't fade away but yet none makes the first step to approach the other to reunite.Then steps in the hero of the movie, the younger brother who reunites the family.And when dad and son meet both complain why the other didn't reach out for the other and wasted all those years.

Read this book where the husband is struggling to find a good job, is
demoralized and dejected, while the wife is busy taking care of their new born baby so in unable to give attention to her husband. Both feel that the love on the spouse end has faded away.Although in truth both are love each other. So one day the husband tells the wife that he wants to separate (although at heart he is hoping his wife would
ask him not to leave, and would want them to stay together).
When he announces this to his wife, she quietly respects his decision and they get a divorce. Life goes on and yeaaaars later their walks of life meet and then they talk about what happened, burst into
tears with regrets of not clearing the misunderstanding.



These are stories,but not different from real life incidents.

Peace comes from within. When we lose somebody close to us, it shakes our inner self and hence the unrest of inner peace. But like they say, time heals all, and it take strong men and women to face the challenges.

Xunaira said...

HAHAHA the movie is Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham! and yes the hero (who tied his pants on his head at that time) successfully manages to make peace between his bro and dad...
ab wesay hrithik cool ho gaya hai..

Xunaira said...

when making peace between 2 people one must also remember to be impartial no matter how well one knows that the party they favour are not as much at fault as the other...

Syra said...

Yes indeed. One must be just, or else the purpose of establishing peace is defeated.