Traits of a best friend

'So who is your best friend' is a question frequently asked. I have come up with a list of traits I find befitting on that one person you can label as your best friend.

- someone around whom you can be yourself; no formality, no judgements

- someone with you can talk about anything and everything; the good, the bad, the jokes, the serious talks, the whining, the laughters

- someone who is always there for you in the hour of need or otherwise; this could be as light as getting together for an unplanned icecream craving or as serious as being the first one to help you out of some deep trouble

- someone who will walk an extra mile for you

- someone whose company is always welcome

- someone with whom you share the same rights and wrongs

Hmmmm, what more, add to my list =)

 

Courteous or Hypocrite?

If I don't like you and yet I behave nicely, does that make me courteous or a hypocrite?

sairali

always and forever :)
this post is dedicated to my husband.

2 node circular link list

A couple of days back I was flicking through channels and ultimately STAR World caught my attention. The thrilling t.v series BONES was on air. I dont't follow it, regardless I stopped on the channel. That very interest my friend Zahida came to my mind and I thought of her. Interesting thing here is that Zahida loves the show and finds a resemblance between me and the leading character of BONES. So she says whenever she watches it 'saira yaad atee hai'...i.e she is reminded of me. And now the same show reminds me of her :)

For me, this happens often that a circular link of rememberance is formed. When a thing\event\happening reminds someone of me, then an association between that thing\event\happening and the person who recalls me is formed in mind.

Generalizing this if a certain thing reminds someone of you, then that same certain thing will remind you of that someone :) I hope I am making sense and not sounding crazy to the readers here. Does such an association build up in your mind too?

another me?

Have you ever had that moment in life when you look back at something that you wrote that brought back a realization of your own old self and you smile to yourself thinking wow, was that really me? :) It happened to me today;

A friend recently floated an old article that I wrote for my blog over 2 years ago with a few lines of praise. I read the appreciation note and ignored the link until a few days later she took the care to bring it to my attention by appreciating it again in person. Consequently I spared a moment to reread my own writing. After having a read I was quiet for a couple of minutes pondering that how I have changed over the years, and what different state of mind, heart and thoughts I was at that point of time. Life or something like it.

Remember me in your duas

~S

she said....

if you die i will kill you
~S

feeling beyond words

Promises are not made, they are lived
~S

My favourite T-Shirt

I have had this T-shirt for almost a decade and I continue to treasure it. My friend, Momina gifted it to me. She told me before hand that she's going to get me a t-shirt..I was like.."no no no beeru, i don't wear t-shirts"..and she said "when you see it, you will surely want to wear it"

It's the size of my hand and the message on the shirt says: THOUGHT I'D BUY YOU A T-SHIRT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY BUT THE TAILOR HAD THE WRONG SIZE WELL AT LEAST I REMEMBERED THE DAY!!

Momina, I m still trying to fit into it :)

The Mysterious Envelope

One fine morning in late 2007 a mysterious, creative envelope addressed to me, landed on my office desk. Inside was a pretty bracelet. I was most pleasantly surprised.

It read

SairaStar,

Remember the girl from the village,
Remember the girl from the town,
Remember the gal who spoiled this ugly elixir envelope
By writing UPSIDE DOWN :)

Happy Birthday, may you have a wicked life full of blogs,fans and a prince in shining armour ;)

On the corner it said P.S Guess Who! :p

By far the most interesting envelope and unique birthday wish addressed to me.

Stop!

~Helen Ward drew for One Tree Hill

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Saira Andleeb once wrote "There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who wont any more, and who always will. So don't worry about the people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future" BUT "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" and there's a reason for that too !

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My thoughts:

The loss of a dear one is saddening. Unfortunately or fortunately people do leave, but they don't always leave. Sometimes they come back. Destiny has ways of bringing them back to us. Destiny brings together people who are meant to be together, for better or for worse. They say it is destined. They say it is written. Indeed it is! But do we sit back when we fear losing someone, hoping that destiny would magically bring them back to us. NAY! we fight for them! By doing so, sometimes the stars change course. Sometimes destinies are written to be erased and rewritten by forces of love! But sometimes we have to have the courage to let go and embrace destiny and have faith that Allah wills for the better. In such conflicting times the heart knows the difference. The guidance comes from within. God speaks through hearts. Listen to the inner voice. Celebrate!

Chased

He finally did it. Now Rruuuuuun!!!

recall the older post from the archive

This image reminded me of this one time, rather two times, I got chased by a dog. Both the incidents occurred in quick successions. I was around 11 years old wandering on the hill tops of Azad Kashmir during summer vacations. The first time I was leading my gang, jumping and humming away and all of a sudden, out of no where a wild stray white/ yellowish labore dog pounced off an intersection. Since I was the speedy me, I was quite ahead of my cousins in the walk. Being the nearest victim I was the target of attack. Gulp! So I ran, and I ran. I ran for my life towards my cousins. I ran my heart out, and that is one feeling I clearly remember. It felt as if my heart was in my mouth beating a zillion times a second. Thank God I didn't run in the opposite direction. The dog got scared of the crowd of my cousins and retreated.

The other time was perhaps a week after my first encounter. Just my luck! I was playing in a yard at one of our relatives place. On a corner, lied a big brown bushy dog. He looked extremely sad to me so I wanted to pat him to cheer him up. I tip toed towards him. When I was almost 4 meters away he got up and sat so I stopped. Ah, his big black poor sad eyes looking at me deeply. I took a step or two and extended my hand towards the dogee. The big black sad eyes became ferocious scary large eyes. This time I screamed first and sprinted like crazy again. My cousin and my brother were playing cricket in the lawn near by. My cousin took charge of the situation. It was his pet.

PHEW!

Keep sailing

Your reason and your passion are the rudder and sails of your seafaring soul. If either be broken, you can but toss and drift or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining. And passion, unattended is a flame that burns to its own destruction.
[Khalil Gibran]

Don't let the obstacles on the way override you. Remember, you are bigger then your problems. As long as you keep going, you will sail through eventually. The rudder and the sails can be fixed; if you keep going, your reason and your passion will reinforce each other too.

Whose dream am I dreaming?

Douglas Adams once wrote that he felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. I wonder too.....

Golo Molo and friends

Chono mono

Bailu cutie

Goshi janu

Pinky

Choto

Golo molo

Reddy

Zeenie leenie teenie

Snow white

Gopo baby

God bless my friends infinitely.

Everything happens for the better

Follow up on Isbah's post Sin City.

It’s sad to see the amount of violence, oppression and injustice happening on an individual level, national level and globally. Ruthless people are inflicting crimes against their fellow beings. It feels as if the sense of mercy is rapidly depreciating. I often wonder why innocent people are suffering and going through such hardy trials. It appears as if they are facing penalty of crimes committed by other people. It doesn’t seem fair. Some unfortunate ones are sunk into poverty and deprived of the basic necessities of life such as food, shelter and even adequate clothing. What’s their fault? Some are simply born into it. Who to blame in such a case? Fate?

My knowledge is too limited to see any good coming out of such apparent unfortunate happenings. Perhaps if we look into the life of each individual we’ll get better insight. Regardless, I strongly believe that (for a good person) there is good in everything i.e. everything happens for the better and if one is righteously patient and awaits God's mercy surely he will witness the good. (InshahAllah and Allahu alam)

Consider the following hadith: “The affair of the believer is amazing! The whole of his life is beneficial, and that is only in the case of the believer. When good times come to him, he is thankful and it is good for him, and when bad times befall him, he is patient and it is also good for him” (narrated by Muslim). Another version of the same hadith is “Amazing is the believer, for whatever Allah decrees for him, it is better for him! If he is tested with a bounty, he is grateful for it and this is better for him; and if he is afflicted with a hardship, he is patient with it and this is better for him.”

Being patient in hard times, and grateful in good times is the catch here.

We all get hit by misfortune, fall sick, get into accidents, and are saddened at times of despair. Everybody faces problems in life. It’s natural and humanely to feel gloomy. However, the believer easily overcomes such hardships since there is good to derive from it.

As a kid when I would fall sick my mama would console me by saying that there is good to derive from illness. She would say and that since I am in pain Allah mian will compensate it for something pleasant for me. With that thought in mind I would instantly become peaceful. As I grew up I came across this saying of The Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) “When the believer is afflicted with pain, even that of a prick of a thorn or more, God forgives his sins” (narrated by Bukhari). Isn't it better that our sins get washed in this life rather than face punishment in the next? Indeed it is.

It is reported that Abu Hurayrah, the companion of the Prophet, had a favorite illness! He is reported to have said, “There is no illness that afflicts me more beloved to me than fever; it enters every part of me and [because of it] Allah the Mighty and Sublime gives every part of me its share of reward” (narrated by Bukhari in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad).SubhanAllah, if only we could look at the positive side when we got sick or some misfortune occurs.

As long as we are honest and sincere in our affairs, we need not worry of the outcome. InshahAllah events will unfold for the better. Human knowledge is limited and sometimes we fail to see the potential harm and get depressed when we don't get what we want. Allah (s.w.t) says in his book “but it may happen that ye hate a thing which is good for you, and it may happen that ye love a thing which is bad for you. Allah knoweth, ye know not” (2:216). Therefore, we shouldn't lose heart, rather be optimistic and respond with shukar i.e gratefulness.

May Allah bless us with hearts that are patient and grateful in times of hardship and otherwise, and May Allah knock out any hardship that beholds us with his plentiful mercy. Ameen.

God helps those who help themselves

"God helps those who help themselves" ~ Ben Franklin

I came across this saying a long time back and was pretty impressed by it. I often get annoyed when people surrender to circumstances and bluntly blame destiny for their failures and problems in life without even attempting to improve things for themselves when clearly certain things are in their control. So I quote them this saying and ask them to think about it deeply. I will share my thoughts on it.

We have to make righteous efforts on our part and then leave the results to Allah and trust Him with the outcome He wills for us. Our efforts and hard work never go in vain. Allah doesn't overlook the struggle we go through. He has promised us rewards essentially in the hereafter and from my experiences and observation one does get rewarded in this life too, though sometimes in a different way than we expect. There is just and mercy in all of Allah's decision. It is for a strong believer to realize that whatever happens, happens for the best and if one is patient this realization is affirmed with time. Things might not turn out the way we hope for. Regardless, it is our obligation to sincerely work for what we wish to attain. To wait for things to happen and destiny to shine without efforts on our part when we truly are capable of doing wonders, is being ungrateful to the capabilities Allah has blessed us with. Not only is it an ungrateful mentality, it is being unintelligent too.

"Nothing happens by itself, all will come your way, once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own exertions." ~Ben Stien

This is not in contrary to reliance on Allah and Trust in Allah to fulfill all our needs. Indeed Allah is most giving and the ultimate provider and facilitator. But it is our job to reach out and make the most of His countless blessings. The Prophet (God bless him and give him peace) said, “Rely on God, and don’t deem yourself incapable.” (Related by Muslim, on the authority of Abu Hurayra – God be pleased with him)

Sunnah entails that one should strive to respond to all challenges that arise in the best way possible(i.e in true Islamic spirit in terms of intentions, goals and means). In the journey of life everybody faces obstacles and difficulties. Success doesn't come in a silver platter. History is full of examples where people assumed responsibility and changed the quality of their lives amidst all the negativity. The obstacles are there, but the opportunities are there too, for the positive minded to see. Allah (s.w.t) says in is book: “Verily with hardship comes ease; verily with hardship comes ease.” (Sûrah al-Sharh: 5-6) . Those who realize that the hardships of life are transient, preceded and followed by times of ease are those who eventually succeed. Blaming fate, and getting bitter about life is not the way. People of faith continue to strive and await Allah's blessing. Being patient being one form of expressing trust in Allah.

God helps those who helps themselves. Destiny favors those who help themselves. I believe so, do you?

I quote a short story from Paulo Cohelo's book Maktub :

A master and his disciple are riding across the Saudi Arabian desert. The master makes use of every moment of their ride to teach the disciple about faith. "Trust in God," he says. "God never abandons his children." At night, in their camp, the master asks the disciple to tie the horses to a nearby rock. The disciple goes to the rock, but remembers what the master has taught him: "He must be testing me," he thinks. "I should leave the horses to God." And he leaves the horses unfettered. In the morning, the disciple sees that the horses have disappeared. Revolted, he comes back to his master. "You know nothing about God," he exclaims. "I left the horses in His care, and now the animals are gone." "God wanted to care for the horses," the master answered. "But to do that, he needed your hands to tie them."

Numb hands, Numb heart

Last night my hands were frozen and stiff due to the cold.It was probably below zero outdoors.I couldn't flex my fingers at ease.My fingers had gone bluish and kinna numb. They felt heavy and hard.So I put them under a shower of warm water.The water was really hot, I could sense it because of the steam around the sink. But to my surprise my hands felt more cold.The warm water stinged initially and it hurt more. Ouch!!! A bit later my hands soothed up, went through a melting effect and my sense of touch was back. Phew!
Extraordinary,Is it?
Sometimes life takes dangerous turns and we end up being in an emotional imbalance.The depression seems to be life long.Nothing seems to make us happy.We keep hurting,and all we feel is pain. We become numb to all feelings except sorrow. But if we keep exposing ourselve to the good, to the care, to the love, and continously try to fight the negative forces eventually the emotions will stop stinging.The good shall win.
InshahAllah.

On Establishing Peace

"To make peace between two individuals (in comparison) is worthier than one's entire prayers and fastings."

~ Prophet Muhammad (P.B.U.H)

If you see old Indian movies, plenty of the story lines would involve two die-hard best friends turning into aggressive enemies and a common third party who would continously litter the relationship, add to the bitterness and exploit the situation to their advantage. And as the story proceeds generations pass, the culprit is unvieled and towards the end of the movie the friends turned foe turn friends again and to the joy of everyone all is good in the end.

What is depicted in the reel life is actually what does happen to some in real life.Sadly, all real life stories don't have happy reunions.And also, although there is an entire possibility that a crooked third person exists to break the friendship\relationship apart, sometimes there is no third party adding fuel to the firey situation but the twosome themselves. Rather there could be a common well wisher who attempts to restore peace but in vain. Ego,anger or any other element stops either of the two from restoring friendship. Or maybe one of the two people tries to make harmony but is shunned by the other.Life goes on and the close friends turn into strangers and die with perhaps lots of regret at heart.

People are important, relationships are important but then what is so important that it holds back two people from restoring peace amongst themselves. I understand situations can get intense,extreme and seriously offensive but I fail to understand where does the love go? Where does the care go? Where does the good go?. How can somebody chose to be at unrest with another for life, be it somebody close or not?

No matter whose fault it is, and who is wrong, why doesn't one be the first to extend the hand of peace? Does it degrade ones honor, self esteem or pride? I don't think so. No body is perfect. Everybody makes mistakes.It's inevitable.But sadly everybody doesn't have the capability to accept a mistake and take responsibilty for his actions. Also no body likes to be criticized. I personally feel criticism in the right manner is totally healthy and helps one nurture himself. One of the Imam's said : "The most favorable friend to me is that who shows me my flaws"

Coming to the hadith, it simply stunned me. It's incredilble. Just look at the reward for establishing peace between two individuals. 'worthier then one's entire prayers and fastings' It massive.It's worth an effort.The Hadith speaks for itself.

So next time if somebody honors us by confiding in us and shares with us an upsetting situation apart from saying words of comfort and offering some advice we should encourage our friend to initiate peaceful talk.And if we happen to be a mutual friend, then it would be a good idea to hear both sides of the story and try to get both parties talking and sorting their issue out in a just and fair manner.

Normally we feel we would be interferring in anothers personal issue or don't want to take such a responsibility or an added burden Sometimes we are least bothered about another's fight and just like hearing the details for the sake of gossip. Not good!
I believe if we happen to be a sincere mutual friend of two friends in distress we'll be driven to help out our friends out of care, even if there is no incentive of reward. We wouldn't be concerned about our person gain. Would we?

I find this saying of the Holy Prophet (P.B.U.H) relevant :

"Someone who possesses knowledge on a subject but conceals it when he is asked will be bridled with reins of fire."

(Therefore, if a person possesses information that would help a bewildered person and improve his situation but he remains silent, he has surely committed a great sin.) Mapping this to the topic, if we are somebody with adequate information about a disturbing situation, we shouldn't wait to be asked for help, rather come forward on our own and save the day for our friends. If we feel, our friend is wrong, we should correct him politely with lots of humbleness and offer our guidance and not hold back out of the fear of offending him.

When we hear about disturbance between two people the least we can do it make a little prayer of peace for them. May Allah guide us all. Ameen

Peace 2 All.

K.I.S.S

During an Engineering Project Management lecture I recently attended the professor asked the class to define the term "variance". Let me describe the class first.It's a post-graduate class.It contains students of varying ages and excluding my self the class is a class of geeks.It's an evening program so most students are professionals. They come from different engineering backgrounds with plenty of experience in their respective domains.Some are PhD students, while some of the others already have a masters degree under their belts. So discussions turn out to be a war of words between nerds.
Coming back to the question. Everybody raised hands in a jiffy. One by one the students gave a comprehensive definition of the term variance, some adding mathematical description and application details. I was trying my best to make sense out of every bit of what all of my learned class mates were saying. Clueless I sat and listened.
Amidst the discussion the Professor moved towards the board, picked the marker and wrote "K.I.S.S". Then he turned towards the class.
The whole class subdued.
A moment later the Professor exclaimed
"Keep It Simple Stupid"
While others made surprised faces,one student was rather amused by the remark. Hehe..that would be me.

Brutus! U 2?

The chameleon is a master of disguise. It can change color to blend in with its surroundings.The chameleon’s ability to change color is its primary defense against predators.By changing colors a chameleon survives.A chameleon is expected to disguise.It's in its nature, and it does exactly that.We humans are more complicated.
All religions and any code of life teaches us to be loyal and trustworthy to each other. In our circle of trust we are expected to be faithful to each other.But sadly, some of us humans are able to bear a heart,mind and nerves to change loyalties and betray. Some of us plan and deceive others by choice, some of us blame the circumstances, we don't intend to betray or break another's trust, but we end up doing so.Instead of giving a helping hand when expected of us we turn our cold backs and disappear. Sometimes due to insensitivity, some times due to lack of courage to help, sometimes due to selfishness or what ever the reason
And we justify our behavior or blame it on fate! But at the end of the day there is no justification for betraying, no excuse for deceiving another, and no good reason to break somebody's trust. It's a grave sin and an inexcusable act.
During happy and smooth days everybody will seem to be our well wisher and friend.They will claim of their bond ship and extend their hand of friendship. But it is only during the hard times in life that we get to see the true color of our well wishers.Everybody is wearing a mask and the mask is unveiled during difficult times. History is full of examples of humans who have camouflaged and changed skins from friends to foe to gain power, out of greed or to gain love.
In my eyes the saying "A friend in need, is a friend indeed" carries huge weight age.So readers chose your friends wisely and be careful of whom you let into your circle of trust.It's a cruel world,God forbid, the true face of somebody very close to you may turn out to be very ugly.